Existential Therapy: What It Is, How It Works, and How It May Help You
As an existential therapist, I’ve found that this approach resonates deeply with many clients who are navigating diverse struggles and life transitions. My own interest in existential therapy began after reading It’s On Me by Dr. Sara Kuberic. In her book, Dr. Kuberic discusses a specific approach of existential work (existential analysis) which profoundly affected me and inspired me to pursue to same training program she completed.
Many young adults, professionals, and high-achievers find themselves craving a life that feels more intentional and authentic - one grounded in connection, purpose, freedom, and aligned with their true selves. A question that often arises is: What would that life even look like? and perhaps more importantly: is it even possible to shift my relationships, habits, and limiting beliefs to create a life that feels more meaningful?
One of the most common challenges at the start of existential therapy is that many people don’t actually know who they are their core - they only know who they’ve been conditioned or expected to be. This is why existential therapy places such a strong emphasis on developing a stronger sense of self and nurturing the relationship you have with yourself. By doing this, we can understand what truly matters to us so that we can live more intentionally and authentically.
Existential therapy helps us understand our human suffering and create space for the changes needed to feel more connected to life, meaning, and purpose. Some of the central themes you’ll encounter in existential work include meaning, freedom, responsibility, authenticity, and choice. Ultimately, existential therapy focuses on the conditions needed for a person to live a more fulfilling existence.
The Type of Existential Therapy I Practice With
My training is in Existential Analysis - a specific existential approach developed by Viktor Frankl and Alfried Längle. Existential Analysis explores four core dimensions, known as Fundamental Motivations, which help us understand where a person’s suffering may originate or where they may feel stuck. By examining these dimensions, we can identify what needs attention in order to foster growth and move toward a more authentic, self-responsible life. These four fundamental motivations are:
1. Can I Accept Reality As It Is?
This dimension asks the fundamental question, “Can I Be”? Can I accept my reality as it is? And if I can’t fully accept it, can I at least endure it? We explore the distinction between enduring and accepting: enduring is a conditional “yes” - a way of getting through what is happening - while acceptance involves surrendering to what is and engaging more openly with life. Both are active approaches to life. Even when reality feels unfair or painful, we can still connect to meaning rather than being consumed by resistance.
To understand what makes acceptance or endurance possible, we look at three essential prerequisites:
Protection: acceptance from others is the greatest form of protection, offering us a profound sense of safety.
Space: space involves giving ourselves time, not being so rushed from one activity to the next, and creating distance from what we are dealing with. Space allows for reflection, processing, and shifting one’s perspective when beneficial.
Support: support can come from our relationships, routines, spirituality, traditions, our home environment, and our inner relationship with ourselves. Meaning can also provide essential support - when we understand why we are doing something, we can access our strength to better tolerate it. Support includes the sense that the world is not ending, that we have endured challenges before, and that what we are facing now is not permanent.
If we don’t have the protection, space, or support needed to accept or endure our life, we fall into fixated, automatic coping reactions - our defense mechanisms. These coping reactions may include avoidance, escapism, hyperactivity (such as overachieving or constant busyness), numbing, intense reactivity (anger, rage, aggression), or even dissociation. These unconscious responses are instinctual, leaving no room for freedom or choice. As a result, they are disconnected from our values and prevent us from actively participating in our own life; we are just trying to survive an immediate threat rather than process or resolve it.
The first fundamental motivation emphasizes that if we are so stuck in these coping reactions, there is no space to engage with life in ways that create more fulfillment. We must understand and address our primary coping patterns so that we can accept life as it is - not as we wish it to be - and be able to actively participate in life. Acceptance doesn’t necessarily mean we like or approve of our current circumstances, but when we accept it, we have the energy needed to engage with reality instead of fighting against it.
Finally, we examine the role of fundamental trust in life as well as self-trust - both of which are often lacking for people experiencing generalized anxiety. Fundamental trust asks: If the worst case scenario were to happen, can I trust that the world would not fall apart? Self-trust asks: If it did happen, can I rely on myself - do I trust that I have the inner strength and resources to deal with it properly? These forms of trust are essential to developing a secure way of “being” in the world.
2. Do I Like Living?
This second dimension addresses our relationship to life and asks: “Do I like to be here”? Do I want to continue living the way I’m living? Am I connected to what matters to me, and am I actually living in alignment with my values? Am I allowing space to be with myself, to turn toward my emotions, and to stay connected with others and the world?
In FM1 we explore the reality of life. FM2 explores the quality of life. Here we examine our likes, interests, and inner aliveness so that we can strengthen our connection to our personal values. Discovering what we genuinely enjoy gives us insight into what brings vitality and meaning to our lives. It helps us understand ourselves more deeply - our internal responses point toward a value. If something impacts me, it matters to me.
When we consider what a “good” quality of life means, our emotions can become guides for how we might want to spend our time. Devoting time and attention to something allows for emotional depth to unfold and supports living in a way that reflects our core values.
This dimension also addresses our fundamental relationship to life and asks whether we can see life itself as good - even if we don’t like our life as it is right now. Can I still believe it is good to be here in the world?
We also look at the role of pleasure in our lives. We don’t want to be emotionally starved as that can lead to depression, but pleasure needs balance. When we have a healthy relationship with ourselves, we’re not seeking to fill an inner void with external stimuli. Instead, we allow pleasure to fuel our passions, growth, and self-care.
Ultimately, this dimension is about being in contact with our values. Many of us might know logically what our values are, but are we actually living them? This means taking the time to be present and to notice how a value is impacting us - what it stirs up in us, how it moves us, and what it reveals about who we are and what matters to us.
Being in contact with our values is to feel them, to let it reach us and impact us. This is an ongoing, open dialogue that we have with the world.
3. Am I Living Authentically?
The third dimension asks, “Am I living authentically?” Is the way I’m living truly right for me? Am I living my life in a way that I can stand behind - one that reflects my values, ethics, and morals? Do I feel as though I can live authentically and be my true self in the world? Does my life represent more of who I want to be, or less of who I want to be?
This dimension focuses on setting healthy boundaries - what is needed to set boundaries and communicate clearly, as well as what often gets in the way of honoring our boundaries. It also explores the prerequisites to self-worth:
Attention: being noticed by others and not overlooked, as well as taking the time to give ourselves attention.
Justice: being taken seriously and treated fairly by others, while also taking ourselves seriously by aligning our behaviors with our inner truth.
Appreciation: receiving appreciation from others and appreciating ourselves through honest, accurate self-evaluation - recognizing our strengths while also evaluating our thoughts and actions critically.
We need attention, justice, and appreciation from other outside, but it also needs to be sustained on the inside.
We examine what it means to live authentically and how authenticity is connected to self-worth: I can allow myself to be seen and I am living my inner truth. This alignment leads to decision making that feels grounded and “right”. We explore what our emotions reveal (emotions always point to a value), get into contact with our moral conscience (our inner truth and deep inner knowing), and use our free will to act in accordance with what we feel is right. Working through this process helps integrate our emotions and values while also taking the practicalities into consideration. When we understand why we are taking a position, this gives us the internal motivation to follow through with decisions.
We also look at personal history - how our biography has influenced us - and explore anything that is not yet understood or that feels unresolved (such as reactions, relationship patterns, or lingering questions about ourselves).
Ultimately, this dimension helps us understand how to live in a self-responsible, self-aligned way by strengthening self-worth and identity, listening to our inner truth, and understanding how our likes, feelings, and values can help us shape our lives in a meaningful way.
4. How Do I Live a More Fulfilling Life?
The fourth and final dimension of existential analysis asks, “How do I live a more meaningful and fulfilling life?” Is my life leading me in a direction that feels truly meaningful? We look at where we are needed in the world and how we can make a personal impact that is aligned with our true self. We examine the direction our life is moving in and how we can make changes if needed.
In this dimension, we take a closer look at exercising our free will and making choices that are not always easy, but honor our unique personhood and life path. Living in a self-responsible way means committing to what matters to us and being willing to take on the effort required to create more fulfillment.
Our actions and goals should personally resonate with us - when we connect to the why behind our choices, our actions have substance and are deeply connected to who we are. Existential therapy emphasizes personal responsibility through questions like, “what are you going to choose to do with this? What action will you take?”
Phenomenological Approach in Existential Therapy
Existential Analysis also emphasizes the importance of being phenomenological as a therapist. This means we seek to understand the details of one’s lived experience rather than working with the abstract. We aim to see beneath the surface to genuinely encounter the person and their reality. This approach requires openness and “bracketing” - the intentional setting aside of our own biases, assumptions, prior knowledge, comparisons to other clients, and any interpretations. Through this bracketing, we are not judging, categorizing, or assuming. We are present in a way that allows us to truly encounter the essence of the person.
What Existential Therapy Helps With
What I love about existential therapy is how deeply human it is. None of us escape the realities of human suffering, and this approach helps us meet those experiences with honesty and intention. It invites us to tune into our feelings, values, and relationships so we can make choices that genuinely reflect the life we want. It encourages us develop a strong relationship with ourselves - one that supports conscious decision-making, personal responsibility, and using our freedom to live out of values, even in the small, every day moments.
A meaningful, authentic life doesn’t always mean a “comfortable life”. Existential therapy helps us take actions that feel true to us while also accepting that the outcomes can’t always be controlled. We can’t predict how certain decisions will unfold, but we can show up for ourselves with courage instead of letting fear dictate our decisions. This is what it means to live authentically - to be willing to face the uncertainty, anxiety, and potential consequences of our choices - because we know why we’re choosing this path. It’s moving toward what matters, despite what we can’t control.
By letting go of what we can’t control and taking steps that are aligned with our values, our decisions come from self-understanding and empowerment - not self-betrayal.
Who is Existential Therapy Best For?
You might benefit from existential therapy if you are:
Navigating difficult life decisions or feeling uncertain around what the “right” choice is
Experiencing anxiety or depression around existential concerns, such as “is this all there is?”
Questioning who you are, what your values are, and how to live in alignment with those values
Feeling disconnected from your authentic self or unsure of who you’re becoming (self-loss)
Sensing that the way you are living (your lifestyle, relationships, or work) is pulling you away from your core self rather than toward it (self-abandonment)
Existential therapy is a path for more meaning, connection, and alignment. It helps us answer questions like: Who am I? What do I want? Is this the right path for me? Is this how I want to live my life?
It helps us take responsibility for our life, but it also goes beyond our personal wants, desires, and goals. In existential work, we also look outward to understand where the world needs us, how we can contribute, and how our individual purpose fits into the larger human picture.
Looking to Start Existential Therapy?
I specialize in working with high-achieving women and young professionals navigating anxiety, relationship challenges, childhood trauma, and life transitions. Feel free to explore my website and reach out if you think existential therapy might be a good fit for you.
→ Online Therapy Available in Texas
→ The Quarter-Life Crisis Group: for Young Women Navigating Their 20s
