Overcoming Shame: Distinguishing Shame vs. Guilt & Transforming Shame Into Resiliency — Insights From a Women’s Therapist
As a women’s therapist, I’ve spoken with many clients surprised to learn the important difference between shame and guilt. These two emotions are often confused or misunderstood, yet knowing how they differ is essential for healing and personal growth.
Understanding shame helps us recognize when we’re stuck in a “shame spiral” and what we need to move forward. Shame is like guilt’s cousin—while guilt focuses on specific behaviors, shame attacks our core sense of worth.
What Is Shame vs. Guilt?
Shame is a universal emotion—everyone experiences it at some point—but triggers vary widely, especially among women. Common shame triggers include:
Sexuality
Work performance
Parenting challenges
Religion
Mental health and addiction struggles
Body image
Research shows men and women may have different shame triggers, and as a therapist, I often help women navigate these complex feelings.
The key difference:
Guilt is feeling bad about what you did (e.g., “I cheated on my partner; I did a bad thing.”)
Shame is feeling bad about who you are (e.g., “I cheated on my partner; I am a bad person.”)
Four Related Emotions to Understand
Shame: “I am bad, unworthy, or not good enough.”
Guilt: “I did something bad.”
Humiliation: Feeling undeservedly degraded (e.g., being publicly scolded at work).
Embarrassment: A brief, often laughable feeling (e.g., tripping in public).
Why Shame Can Be Harmful & How It Differs From Guilt
While guilt can motivate positive change by focusing on behavior, shame often leads to feeling stuck and unworthy. Shame doesn’t encourage growth—it drains your emotional energy and reinforces negative beliefs about yourself.
As a therapist in Texas, I frequently see how perfectionism connects to shame. Many women believe that if they achieve an “ideal self,” they will avoid rejection. This ties self-worth to performance instead of inherent value.
The Antidote to Shame: Vulnerability, Compassion & Connection
Research and clinical experience show that vulnerability is the antidote to shame. Shame thrives in secrecy and isolation, so opening up safely to someone who responds with empathy and compassion helps shame dissolve.
Feeling seen, heard, and accepted for who you truly are—even your “imperfect” parts—builds resiliency and supports healing. This process can be empowering, especially for women who have been conditioned to hide their struggles.
Recommended Resources on Shame & Vulnerability
For more insight into shame and how vulnerability heals, I recommend these TED Talks by Brené Brown:
The Power of Vulnerability
We Need to Talk About Shame
Books that can support your journey:
Daring Greatly by Brené Brown
Rising Strong by Brené Brown
The Gifts of Imperfection by Brené Brown
Ready to Overcome Shame? A Women’s Therapist Can Help
If you’re ready to start transforming shame into resilience and self-compassion, therapy is a powerful next step. As a women’s therapist offering online sessions throughout Texas, I’m here to support your healing journey.
👉 Book a free 15-minute consultation with me today and take the first step toward embracing your worth.
